Savage Omnivorous Asians

Americans think Asians are comprised of Chinese, Koreans, Japanese and not Indians. "Oh, Indians are Asians !!" was the response I got while filling up HR forms in the SDSC.

So, in the last few days I had further induction of Chinese, Korean and Japanese food culture. More and more I interact with them, more I feel they have such wierd food habits. I think now Africans have little more sanity left in what they eat. I will use the term Chinese loosely, if something strikes too odd, then it must be from the GuangDong province.

Thai food is what I like most from Asian cuisine after Indian food. Brazil lost semi-finals, we were sad. To have lunch, we went to Thai Palace. We were late by 5 mins and weren't allowed inside. Double disappointment on a fine sunny saturday in San Diego. There used to be a Thai Restaurant named NudPub (we used to call Nude Pub) near Boston Univ. The lady at the counter had a typical style, "yiieess, haou may I help you ? Pyneapple fried riiiyye, for hyere to goennn? 6 daullars pleaz".

So, disappointed from Thai Palace, we went to check out Vietnamese Cuisine, Korean BBQ, Sushi Palace. We could not form a consensus -- Korean BBQ is expensive (with full of beef and pork items); I cannot eat raw fish in Sushi, Vietnamese is tasteless. Finally we decided to go to 99 Chinese Supermarket on the recommendation of chinese friend. A rotten gust of wind hit my nasal cavity as soon we entered into the market as if some dead caracus of buffalo had been rotting in the corner for days. Soon I got used to it (as you get used to smelling your own shit in the restroom) and we ended up in a cheap restaurant at the corner. They had two modes of operation, self-service and waiter-service. We opted for the latter. Thinking that I would get nice soup with rice, I ordered Chicken with Peanuts. Korean friend ordered pork curry and chinese friend ordered duck/egg/pork combination. When the soup arrived, I lost all appetite. The first remark from the chinese friend was, Dhiman it looks they just cleaned the pan with water and brought you the water as soup. The water looked so dirty and there was a leaf from a vague plant floating in it. To be more precise, have you ever mopped your floor with a rag and after cleaning for while, have you seen the water with substrate. The soup was exactly like that.

The food was bearable. My friends devored like true graduate students, enjoying every grain and fibre. We discussed what Chinese and Koreans eat. They eat, intestines of animals, anus of animals (pig for example). There is a variety of chinese wine in which they shove in mices, lizards (pi-hu in chinese), snakes. I learned that they have two yummy dishes -- monkey brain and 3 screams (which i will describe later). A general rule of thumb is, if they want development of a particular part of your body, they eat corresponding body part in animals. So, chinese guys who are looking for penile enlargement must be eating organs (and testicles) of horse, ox, buffalo. Now, it is not hard to guess what part of cows and buffaloes the Chinese girls those who are want to avoid silicon breast implants must be eating.

The Korean friend confirmed that some people in Korea play football using the testicles of Oxes (cheaper than leather football). Remember Korea reached 1998 WorldCup semi-final :)

Its not over yet. We had to do grocery in the Chinese supermarket. I always wonder why Indians don't have such comprehensive grocery store in US (actually in NY, San Diego there are). The meat section was so gross. They had intestines of animals laid out. Then, they had claws of chicken, duck (may be cats, dogs also) in display. The claws of birds/animals are roasted and fried and are served as appetizers with drinks/beers. Both Chinese and Koreans eat that (may be Bengalies should try crow-claws-chacchori; how about crow-claws-fries and Pig-Anus-Burger). I bought Tilapia fish. The Chinese in America have learned customization quite a bit:

After buying fish I had to take of the following 4-5 options:

1) cleaning,
2) cleaning and removing the scales,
3) cleaningmust be eating, removing scales and chopping off head and tail
4) cleaning, removing scales, beheading, remove tails and chopping into N pieces
5) (4) + fry in oil (in their kitchen)

I chose (4). Oh I forgot to mention, I also eat Japanese snacks (peanuts, sea weeds) in the office the week before. A guy named Brat had brought from Japan. The Korean friend brought me 3 different korean cookies. I am just eating only Asian stuffs these days.

Now, I will descibe about those two delicacies that Chinese from GuangDong province eat.

Monkey brain is considered a delicacy. To eat it, they first tie the monkey so that it cannot move. Its head is clamped with barbwire (remember Jesus Christ had one when he was crucified). Then they break the skull-shell of the monkey while it is still alive. Then they dig out Monkey's brain and devor it with spoon (of course along with soya sauce). It is supposed to nourish human brain. Yeah right, thats why I haven't met one from that province yet.

Three Scream dish is another odd item. So, they have small white mices (the ones we used in Bio practicals) on a plate. The first scream is heard when one holds a mice with chopsticks. Second scream is heard when the mice is dipped in Soya Sauce and it is drowned for a while. Final mortal scream is heard when the mice is chewed in the mouth. All so fresh and yummy!

Now who is ready for french-kiss with an Asian after he/she has a good meal with Monkey brain and 3 Scream ?